Liquid Pain
by RosesAndLilies
Summary: A quick oneshot about the life, love, and secrets of Lily Evans, starting in her first year at Hogwarts.


The Secret Life of Lily Evans

Liquid Pain

**Year 1**

Lily Ann Evans walked through the barrier and onto Platform 9 3/4. Thick, gray smoke swirled in the air, making it nearly impossible to distinguish any of the many people. Cutting through the smoke stood a bright, scarlet engine, the Hogwarts Express. This train would take Lily and many other students to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Although her parents disapproved deeply of Lily going to a school to study magic, they allowed her to go.

The Evans family was rich and noble. They only socialized with people who were important enough. The thought of their second daughter being a witch horrified them, but secretly made them proud.

Lily's sister, Petunia, was one year older than her. The day Petunia heard about the school she had thought of her sister as a freak. Secretly, Petunia was just jealous. She had even written to Professor Dumbledore to see if she would be allowed in too. Try as she might, Petunia could not conceal the fact that she would miss Lily greatly.

As Lily boarded the train, a boy with extremely messy hair and glasses walked over to her. By then Lily was struggling to get her trunk on the train with her. Beside her sat a pretty, brown owl in a white cage.

The boy said, "Hello, may I help you with that? My name is James Potter. You are?" He smiled sweetly at her. Right away James knew that this was the girl he wanted to be his. Lily, however, didn't know this at the time.

She replied, "Thank you! That would be great. Hello James, I'm Lily. Is this your first year too?" James nodded and lifted the trunk, with the help of another messy haired boy names Sirius Black, onto the train and into a compartment. He and Sirius sat down and motioned for Lily to sit across from them.

The long ride to Hogwarts was quite pleasant. James turned out to be a mix of an annoying bloke and a perfectly good friend. This ride was the beginning of a nice, long friendship.

When the train finally stopped at Hogsmeade Station, Lily alighted with her two new friends and got into a boat. There she met another friend. This one was named Mary McDonald. All four of them got into a boat together and started feverishly talking about being sorted. As the boats got closer and closer to the school, Lily felt more and more sick. The thoughts of being sorted into Slytherin invaded her mind again and again. James had told her all about Slytherin on the train. Sirius had said that his whole family was in Slytherin, but he wanted to be in Gryffindor. Lily agreed totally.

"Lily Evans!" cried Professor McGonagall. She was a tall, thin lady with her hair pulled back into a tight bun. A black witch's hat sat on her head. She watched them all closely as she called out names. Sirius had already been sorted into Gryffindor and he was now smiling from ear to ear sitting with his new housemates. James gave Lily an encouraging push and she went to sit on the stool. The hat was placed on her head. It felt worn from all the students who had put it on their heads before her.

The hat whispered in her ear, "Well, well. I see a lot of talent in here, and a desire to prove yourself. You are braver than you think. There is only one house that can help you here. It must be…" Lily's heart skipped a beat as it made its decision. The hat shouted, "Gryffindor!" for the whole school to hear. Lily hopped off the stool and took a seat near Sirius.

James and Mary were also sorted into Gryffindor. When the first years were all settled, Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster, stood up to say a few words. He said loud and clear, "Welcome students, to another wonderful year at Hogwarts! I hope you all learn a lot and have fun. First things first, let us appoint our new head boy and girl. Head boy is Lucius Malfoy and Head Girl is Nacissa Black. Congratulations to the two of you. Now without further ado, enjoy the feast!" He waved his arms and golden plates full of food appeared up and down the table. Nestled in between James and Mary, Lily felt protected, not that she needed protection. Lily, even in her first year, was immensely popular.

Year 2

After a great first year, returning home to a muggle family was a little depressing. No magic was to be used outside of school, so her parents would not be able to see her newly found talents. Petunia was downright nasty the whole time she was she was home. Lily couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts.

During her second year, Lily got asked out by many of her classmates. The only problem was, she wanted Sirius. Lily couldn't figure out when she decided this, but she wanted to go out with him. Now Sirius was a little harder to win over than most guys. He had so many fan-girls already that Lily would have just been one of the crowd. But lily didn't want to be just another fan-girl. She wanted to be his.

For about a month, Lily went out of her way to be flirty with Sirius and take special precautions such as wearing her hair a different way every day and putting on drastic eye make-up. By the winter holidays, Sirius was hers. Now, Lily was not one for public displays of affection, but with Sirius it was different. She would hold his hand while people were around and kiss him when no one looked. Sirius left with James for the Holidays and they resumed their relationship when they returned.

Their relationship slowly went downhill when he returned though. He was reckless and always out for trouble. Lily loved him, but more of as a brother now. James would be no help on the subject, even though she usually went to him for help. Sometimes Lily would cry at night because she didn't know what to do.

As far as school goes, Lily was at the top of her class. She could beat anyone at anything. Except maybe flying, which she wasn't keen on. She certainly could fly, but Lily had never been comfortable on a broomstick. Everyone envied Lily, not just for her talents in school but because of her beauty and her boyfriend. Everyone wanted Sirius Black. He was even more popular than Lily was.

Beauty wise Lily was gorgeous. No wonder she could get Sirius Black. She had red hair that reached halfway down her back. Through it were very soft curls. She had the most beautiful eyes a girl could ask for. They were the brightest green and the nicest almond shape. This made even a Slytherin fall for her.

Severus Snape had always loved Lily, but had never told her. They had never really been good friends, but they hung out while they were at home. He always thought of Lily's eyes if he saw green. The striking image of her radiance invaded his mind at any time of day.

While Lily was beautiful, this did not fix her relationship with Sirius. He loved her; Lily could see it in his face when he looked at her. However, she couldn't tell if it was brotherly love or love love. Despite her feelings, Lily could not bring herself to break up with him.

Year 3

Another depressing summer, only this year, she was also depressed about Sirius. Lily promised herself that at school she would talk to her boyfriend. Mr. And Mrs. Evans still didn't know about their daughter's relationship and Lily had no intention of telling them. This would make them dislike her more than they already did.

At school, Lily was still the top student in the third year class. She was now doing better than some fourth years. On the train, Lily had seen Sirius and had been a little uncomfortable as he kissed her hello. He seemed to have noticed. Luckily, James walked in with a fake smile on his face and gave them something else to think about.

Once the feast was done, Lily said good-bye to her friends Emmaline Vance and Mary McDonald and took Sirius into the hall alone. Tears welled up in her eyes even though she knew he couldn't stand them. She hated to break up with him and she was only thirteen. She wasn't ready to deal with a broken heart.

Lily started in almost a whisper, 'Sirius, do you love me?" She needed the answer to that question before she could go any further. He looked a little shocked by the question.

Finally he said, "You know, I don't know Lily. I did. I think we're more of friends now." He looked nervous, as though waiting for tears to come spilling out of her eyes.

She replied, "Ok. That's how I feel. I don't think we should go out anymore. It just isn't working." She did really want to cry, but she held it in for the sake of Sirius not having a melt down.

Sirius said, 'Ok, that's fine. Are you going to cry?" He seemed kind of schizophrenic. He hated tears because he hated that pain came in liquid form, touchable, seeable and his least favorite, curable form.

Lily nodded as tears started to drip down her cheeks. She was happy and sad that their relationship was done. It had been the first one she'd had and the best she could have hoped for, until the end. Sirius came over and took her in his arms to console her. He stroked her hair and hugged her until she was finished crying.

Lily gave him one final kiss on the cheek and walked indifferently up to her dorm.

Not only was Lily insanely smart, she was still insanely popular. Guys were all over her when they heard about her breakup. Of course, Lily didn't accept a single one. She wasn't ready for another relationship yet. She had figured out while she was with Sirius that she was too young to understand a relationship and make it work.

James potter was unusually happy when his best mate told him about his and Lily's breakup. James had developed a mad crush on Lily.

"Sirius? Will you murder me if I tell you I have a crush on Lily?" James asked one night. Sirius shook his head and James breathed a sigh of relief. He resumed his work and trusted that his best friend wouldn't reveal his secret.

Lily woke one morning after a very weird dream. She and James had been holding hands and kissing down by the lake. What was even weirder was that she woke up with a smile. It scared her, yet it pleased her. James and Lily had been best friends and worst enemies at the same time. People expected her to hate him, but yet she didn't sometimes. The truth be told, she had a crush on him, a small crush that over time would develop and become a huge crush.

**Year 4**

Summers were never fun. Let's just stop with the summers until something interesting happens.

At school, James was trying his hardest to impress Lily. She had been known to decline a date before the guy was finished asking. James, though he didn't want to admit it, was afraid of Lily. And Lily was afraid of him too. She wasn't scared of him, just being with him. Her crush had grown over the holidays and sometimes it took all her might not to scream, "I love you James!" when they were sitting alone doing homework together. It scared her that she liked a guy this much, even more so that it was James.

With O.W.Ls coming up next year, Lily strived to still be the best of her class. Her grades were falling though. She didn't know why. It could have been trouble at home or her crush on James. It was sort of more an obsession now than a crush. She wanted to go out with him, but he just wouldn't make a move.

Fourth year was the best and worst year for Lily. No guys had asked her out for a while, so she didn't need to deal with constantly rejecting people, but the one guy she wanted to ask her out, was too afraid to. Sometimes Lily cried when she went to sleep, the same way she had done when she was with Sirius.

Lily's life began to fall apart this year. Her parents were mad because she refused to go home for holidays and because she refused to leave the school to get married. Petunia was marrying Vernon Dursley in 3 months and the Evans' wanted Lily to marry too. She flat out refused. Her parents threatened to not let her back home in the summer. This was where James came in.

Lily often found herself in the common room, head in James' lap, crying her eyes out after yet another hurtful letter from mum or dad. He always said the same thing, 'It's ok Lils. You'll be ok. If they don't let you back home, you can crash with me. Sirius does it enough. What's one more person?" Lily would nod and continue crying. James would pat her on the back until she was consoled and went to bed.

One night, after receiving yet another letter from mum, Lily couldn't sleep. She was too devastated. The letter read:

_Lily darling,_

_Your father and I are sorry to inform you that you will not be allowed home for the summer. In your refusal to come home for holidays you have shown us that you do not care for this family and you are no longer welcome here. Petunia has decided not to invite you to her wedding. _

_ Your Truly,_

_ Mum_

Lily cried her eyes out alone in the common room until someone came down. Sirius walked down from the boys' dorms at about three A.M. Lily was in an overstuffed chair near the fire, holding the letter in her hand. There it was again, the liquid pain. Sirius wished he had stayed upstairs, but too late now. He went and sat on he arm of Lily's chair.

"What's wrong Lils?", he asked sweetly. He tried not to look at her face. He would have a melt down all to quickly if he saw the tears.

Lily replied through sobs, "This! Look at what Mum wrote!" She handed over the letter and Sirius read it. As his eyes scanned the parchment they doubled in size.

He said, 'Oh no! I'm so sorry Lily! Do you want me to go get James? He can handle tears." Lily nodded, grateful for his offer.

Moments later, Sirius returned with a half-asleep James. He didn't look thrilled about being woken up at 3 in the morning, but when he saw Lily and her wet face, he softened up. He sat on the arm as Sirius had and put his arm around her.

Lily laid her head on his shoulder and said softly, "I guess I'll be taking up your offer then. Can I still come live with you and your family?" Lily felt bad that she had nothing to give and everything to take. James had been kind enough to offer, but Lily didn't think she would have to accept.

James seemed to handle Lily's frequent tears over the next few weeks greatly. Sirius ran from the room whenever he saw her bottom lip tremble. He'd had enough. All this pain was causing him pain. He had dated Lily and he still loved her like a sister. Pain leaking from her eyes ripped a hole in his heart.

As summer approached, Lily packed her things and prepared to go to the Potter's house for the holidays. Mrs. Potter treated her like a daughter. She was the greatest mum anyone could ask for. Lily still cried a lot and living in the same house as Sirius, it was hard for him to get away. They would have to toughen him up or he would have to get used to melt downs.

**Year 5**

Summer was utterly amazing at the Potter's. Even through her sadness, Lily had a good time. Plans were made for her to come back next summer.

Fifth year meant O.W.L. exams. The frequent studying left Lily no time for sulking. All the work kept her mind off her family and sometimes off her obsession with James. For some reason she had started hanging out with Severus more last year and now they were good friends. What he did hit her hard.

During the first term, Severus had been acting strangely. He hung out with all the people that wanted to join a powerful dark wizard named Voldemort. Lily was angry with him and he knew it.

The worst thing he did though was this. One day after class, Lily was walking with Sev while James was in detention. Some of his death eater friends came up and Sev changed. He turned around and said, 'Get away from me you filthy mudblood!" Lily gasped at the word and ran off in tears. She didn't understand, but she didn't want to stick around to find out what happened.

In the common room none other than Sirius found Lily. He thought when he saw her, "There she goes with the tears again." Despite the fact that he knew he couldn't handle this because she was crying harder than usual, Sirius walked over to comfort her.

Through sobs Sirius could make out, "Severus, mudblood, hate him." He looked at her with concern in his eyes. He understood enough to know that Lily had been called a mudblood by one of her best friends. Where was James when he was needed?

As liquid pain spilled down Lily's cheeks, Sirius' heart was being ripped to shreds. He couldn't handle this. He just wasn't capable of it. He kept running his hands through his long, black hair, hoping James would come back. Finally, he did.

He saw Lily crying and ran to her. He glared at Sirius and said, '"What did you do?" He still loved Lily and he could only hope that his best friend hadn't hurt her. Sirius shook his head as to say that he had done nothing.

Lily choked out, "Severus called me a mudblood! I hate him!" She burst into tears again and Sirius fled. "Too much pain! Stupid tears! Why must my heart be torn to pieces?" he thought as he ran to the dorms.

James stayed to comfort Lily until she had stopped crying so hard. That's when he made his move. He leaned over and kissed her. This wasn't the best timing, but heck with it. Lily wasn't as thrilled as he had hoped. She didn't want boys in her life right now. They hurt too much. After what Severus had done to her, she didn't want a pureblood consoling her. She didn't believe that James would hurt her, but she was just weird like that. She ran to her dorms and didn't speak to James for nearly two weeks.

Sirius tried to fix their friendship. He knew James loved Lily, but he didn't know that Lily loved him back. He told James off lightly for kissing her when she was in that state. James argued with him and Sirius didn't even try to win. After 10 days of not speaking, Sirius got James to go see Lily.

She ignored him at first, but he really was too obnoxious to ignore for long. After he rambled on about the latest quidditch match for about half an hour she finally screamed, "What do you want!" James smiled and sat down next to her.

He asked, 'Are you upset that I kissed you?" He needed to know. That was the only thing that could have made her hate him.

Lily said, 'I don't know. That wasn't the best timing, but I don't know. I don't want to do it again though. Right now I don't need a guy to complicate things. My life is hard enough without a boyfriend. I miss you as my friend though." She had started crying again. More of the liquid pain that everyone hated so. James could tolerate it, but he would rather not.

James left the room rather sadly, Lily thought. She did love him, but now was not the time to get caught up with guys. Now she needed to recover from what her parents did and what Sev did. James was not one to be understanding and she got that, but she had hoped he would take it better.

Lily was sulky the next morning. The talk with James had made her already bad mood worse. Sirius was sort of caught in the middle, seeing that James was his best friend and Lily was his ex-girlfriend. James wouldn't talk to Lily again and that made her cry more than usual. Sirius just couldn't handle it.

By the end of the year, just before O.W.L.s, Lily was almost failing. Professors had tried speaking to her, but nothing helped. It was hard to believe that she could even pass her exams.

Luckily, she passed with flying colors. Now her only problem was that she and James had not spoken for nearly a month. Lily had come to hate James. What bothered her more was that she didn't know why. Every time she looked at him her head filled with rage. Maybe it was because she loved him and he didn't love her back or maybe it was because she wanted to love him, but she was afraid.

**Year 6**

Lily spent the summer at the Potter's again. This year was awkward though. She hated James still for reasons unexplainable and he seemed to hate her. Lily spent most of her time alone outside.

At school, Lily picked up her place at the top of the class again. All the teachers were happy and so was she. Lily now hung out with Emmaline Vance a lot more. They were both N.E.W.T. students. Again, the work was hard and kept her busy all the time. There was no time to sulk over James.

Lily quickly got tired of constantly trying to put James from her head. The only logical thing to do seemed to be talk to Sirius. That is exactly what Lily did. She found him in the common room doing his enormous load of homework by the fire. James was not with him. She sat down next to him and stared for a moment, thinking about what to say.

After a few moments of silence Lily said, "Sirius?" He looked up at her with questioning eyes that said, "What Lily I'm busy." She continued, "How can I make up with James? I…I miss him." Sirius put down his quill and looked into her eyes.

He said quietly, "Just tell him your sorry Lils. He'll forgive you, trust me." Sirius smiled as if he knew something she didn't. She didn't care. Lily nodded and went up to James' and Sirius' dorms. James was sitting on the bed doing homework. Apparently, he did not see Lily walk in, or he was ignoring her. Lily cleared her throat to draw attention to her presence. James looked up reluctantly and nodded a hello.

Lily said, "James, I'm sorry." She looked at him imploringly with her bright green eyes. There was sadness on her face, like she was about to cry. That was the last thing James wanted.

He too put down his quill and got up. James went to stand next to Lily. She buried her face in him and cried. James was shocked, but he hugged her. He couldn't find words, but he knew he had to. James stuttered for a moment and said, 'I forgive you Lily, but what exactly are you sorry for?" Lily looked up with wet eyes. She thought he would know.

Lily said in a very sad voice, "For being a git. We haven't spoken for what, four months now? I never stopped thinking about you. All summer my heart was being ripped apart because I had to see you every day, but not say a word." James looked stunned. He hadn't known that Lily missed him that much. She had now buried her face in his side again and was bawling. He needed this to stop.

James said softly, "Don't cry any more Lils. It's ok. I forgive you. You weren't the git, I was. I got mad because you didn't want to go out. You had every right to be mad. I didn't know how you felt all summer and I was hurt to Lils." Lily looked up at him. Was this James she was talking to? He was being…responsible! He looked at Lily with questioning eyes. She shook her head. She still didn't want a boyfriend, especially not James. He was much to complicated for her.

James sighed and gave her a final squeeze before returning to his work. Lily went back to her dorm to work too. Emmaline met her in the doorway. She wanted to know details. When Lily finished explaining Emmaline said, "Wow Lils, that's boring. I'm gonna do more work now." Lily walked over to her bed and started her homework. She was struggling to remain at the top of the class again.

Not only the work made it hard. Inside, she was having a constant conflict with herself. She wanted James, but she didn't. She hated him, but she loved him so much. This was getting annoying. All the hard work on top didn't help.

After sixth year, Lily was confident that next year she would be fine. She wouldn't struggle as much and she definitely wanted James. Nothing could dull the fact that she loved him. Even through her hatred of him, she couldn't stand to stay away.

**Year 7**

The summer at the Potter's house was better this summer. She didn't hate James, but again, sometimes it took all her might not to scream that she loved him. She wished he would ask her out again, but he seemed to have given up.

While she was still having this conflict inside, teachers were working them harder than ever trying to prepare them for exams. Lily was sick of this. Sometimes when she, James and Sirius were sitting in the common room at night, she felt a strong impulse to just lean over and kiss James. She never actually did, but she wanted to. James took no notice. He still was afraid of rejection.

Sirius seemed to know how Lily felt. One day after class when she said hi to him in the hall he said, "Hey Lee! Gonna ask James out?" She had given him a nervous glance and ran away. Sirius stood laughing as she ran.

James was in the common room when she ran in looking like she had just seen a murderer. Lily was out of breath and gasped when she saw him. He was exactly who she was trying to avoid.

James called, "Hey Lils. Why do you look panic stricken? Something wrong?" Lily shook her head, but James tried to stare her down. She sighed and sat down on the floor. She brought her knees up to her chest and put her arms around them and laid her head on them. James walked over and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and whispered in her ear, "Is there something you want to tell me?" Lily looked up and nodded. She knew she couldn't tell him, but the honest answer was yes.

She said, "James? How am I supposed to tell you this? I…love you." His eyes lit up when she said this. He stuttered and finally managed to saw wow. They sat there for a few minutes until James got up.

He said hesitantly, "Will you go out with me?" He was still afraid that she would reject him. Lily smiled and nodded. They walked off holding hands. Sirius saw them at dinner and smiled. He said, 'I knew you two would wind up together." He winked at James and Lily knew that James had told Sirius that he loved her. There was just the tiniest bit of jealousy in Sirius' eyes. He missed going out with Lily, but he had his chance.

After dinner, in the common room, James and Lily were on a couch kissing. Sirius walked in and pretended that it sickened him. He went to the dorms and left them alone. He was happy for them. Everyone was happy. Lily had stopped crying at night and James had stopped sulking about loving her. I only they'd been together sooner. Maybe Sirius wouldn't have had to deal with so much of her liquid pain.

The year ended much to quickly. The N.E.W.T. results would come by owl during the summer. Lily graduated from Hogwarts and went to James' house as always. They were happy together. This was the first summer in a long time that Lily had been happy to be there.

**After Hogwarts**

The summer of seventh year went great. Nothing much happened except that James and Lily became a couple.

On Lily's twentieth birthday, James proposed to her. It was the best birthday present she could ask for. They got married in the summer of the next year. The wedding was perfect. None of Lily's family was there, but that didn't matter. They didn't feel like her family anyway.

A year later, James and Lily had their first and only child. Lily named him Harry and they both decided to name Sirius the godfather. This little child was her pride and joy. If anything happened to her, she could only hope that her baby would be ok.

Harry looked exactly like James. The only difference was his shocking green eyes. James was happy that he had inherited Lily's eyes. This baby was the single most magnificent thing that could happen to them.

A year after precious Harry was born Lily and James found out that the dark wizard, Voldemort, was after them. Lily prayed every night that he would not kill her baby. If she died, she wanted Harry to be safe. They went into hiding, but it didn't work. James' friend Peter Pettigrew betrayed them.

Harry screeched for attention from his crib upstairs. Lily went to grab him. James stayed downstairs to try to hold off Voldemort. Lily heard him scream and a high-pitched laugh. She ran faster to grab her baby. The door flew open with a burst of red light. Lily stood in front of her baby's crib, crying.

She pleaded, 'No! No! Please! Take me, not Harry! Don't kill Harry!" Voldemort was unaffected by tears and seemed quite pleased by her pain. He killed her. The last thing Lily remembered was green light, that, a cry from Harry and another laugh from Voldemort. She knew he would kill her baby next, but he never joined her in heaven. He was spared.

Voldemort lost his powers and Harry lived, not knowing the true story of his parents' death until age 11, the same age as when he found out he was a wizard. This was for him, as it was for Lily, the greatest year of his life.

**Hope you guys loved it! Please review!**

**Luv,  
Lilies **


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